People continually ask me, "So . . . how's married life?" I am sure they are not looking for responses like, "Well . . . the sex is better." I mean, really? Gas Monkey and I have lived together for over four years. How different could it be? How wrong I was. So here are some valuable lessons I have already learned since becoming Mrs. Gas Monkey.
Lesson #1 - Always remind your husband to spray mosquito repellent on his bald spot.
Gas Monkey inspecting his "catch" after slapping a mosquito on his forehead.
Lesson #2 - Remember that while you may be bewildered by your husband's casting skills, you return the favor by setting up and taking down camp like a seasoned pro while he stands around looking like a lost puppy.
Lesson #3 - Fishing is all fun and games until the husband catches a trout with the fly you used unsuccessfully for an hour. And then the jerk-wad will have the balls to tell you to get the camera so you can take a picture of him smiling with it.
The jerk-wad smiling with his catch. Rub it in why don't ya.
Lesson #4 - It's not the size of the stove that matters. Take pride in the fact that you don't carry around a full-sized grill on the back of an enormous camper and still call it "camping."
Lesson #5 - When your spouse lovingly sorts the laundry into piles on the floor, make sure to get those clothes washed and hung before a cat spitefully pees on your new favorite dress . . .
Lesson #6 - Pick your battles. If your husband only wants to eat 1/2 of a chocolate chip cookie (and never the other half), eat the remaining halves yourself before they pile up.
Seriously Gas Monkey? Why? I never knew you were a snooty cookie monster!
Lesson #7 - Remember this catchy tune, "Tony, Tony look around. Something's lost and can't be found." This may sometimes help you find missing things like your driver's license, sapphire ring, and the missing wall-hanging. Although it may not work when trying to find your husbands keys, which hold the only copies of the house key, truck keys, and his work keys.
Lesson #8 - When making pasta in the woods and you accidentally spill the pasta everywhere while attempting to drain it by holding the lid slightly cracked over the pot - try, try again. (But only after you remember to take a picture of your failure).
Lesson #9 - After a second, infuriating attempt to drain pasta backfires, remember that the method you tried the first time should not have been applied a second time. Ignore the husband's laughter at your misery and remember to take a picture. Then sit down, pout, and drink a beer.
Lesson #10 - While fuming over two failed batches of pasta, allow your husband to pamper you with crap-tacular turkey sandwiches. It's better than nothing.
I think we are right on track to having a normal married life, don't you?