People continually ask me, "So . . . how's married life?" I am sure they are not looking for responses like, "Well . . . the sex is better." I mean, really? Gas Monkey and I have lived together for over four years. How different could it be? How wrong I was. So here are some valuable lessons I have already learned since becoming Mrs. Gas Monkey.
Lesson #1 - Always remind your husband to spray mosquito repellent on his bald spot.
Gas Monkey inspecting his "catch" after slapping a mosquito on his forehead.
The jerk-wad smiling with his catch. Rub it in why don't ya.
Lesson #4 - It's not the size of the stove that matters. Take pride in the fact that you don't carry around a full-sized grill on the back of an enormous camper and still call it "camping."
Lesson #5 - When your spouse lovingly sorts the laundry into piles on the floor, make sure to get those clothes washed and hung before a cat spitefully pees on your new favorite dress . . .
Lesson #6 - Pick your battles. If your husband only wants to eat 1/2 of a chocolate chip cookie (and never the other half), eat the remaining halves yourself before they pile up.
Seriously Gas Monkey? Why? I never knew you were a snooty cookie monster!
Lesson #8 - When making pasta in the woods and you accidentally spill the pasta everywhere while attempting to drain it by holding the lid slightly cracked over the pot - try, try again. (But only after you remember to take a picture of your failure).
Lesson #9 - After a second, infuriating attempt to drain pasta backfires, remember that the method you tried the first time should not have been applied a second time. Ignore the husband's laughter at your misery and remember to take a picture. Then sit down, pout, and drink a beer.
Lesson #10 - While fuming over two failed batches of pasta, allow your husband to pamper you with crap-tacular turkey sandwiches. It's better than nothing.
I think we are right on track to having a normal married life, don't you?