Poor's Man's Meal with an Egg and the Angel I Am

Welcome to my personal hell.  Gas Monkey nonchalantly mentions last Friday that he needs to bring something for his work pot luck Monday (i.e. today).  My response, “I don’t know.  What do you want to make.”  Sunday night, while we are playing Earthopoly, he asks, “What am I going to bring to the potluck?”    I had completely forgotten about it and  had no intention of making this my personal project.  I suggest a pasta salad (something he could make).  “Two other people are bringing salads.”  So I suggest Crockpot wings.  Being thrilled with my suggestion, I imagined Gas Monkey going to the store and picking up some pre-made, frozen wings that can be dumped in the Crockpot.  Instead Gas Monkey picks up some raw wings.  As I went to bed, I thought he could still dump them in the crockpot and cover them with sauce.  Here’s how my morning went:

5:30 a.m. – My personal heater gets out of bed and hops in the shower, not a worry in the world.  I begin to think to myself, can making wings really be that easy?

5:35 a.m. – I have managed to drag my sorry ass out of bed and plop myself in front of the computer.  It is recommended you place the wings under the broiler to brown them, since they won’t brown or crisp in the Crockpot.

5:42 a.m. – I look in the fridge and find a giant batch of chicken wings and giant batch of drumsticks. I start with the drumsticks first.  I rinse them and place them under the broiler.  Drumsticks in no time.

5:55 a.m. – I open the package of wings.  “It is a whole frickin’ wing!”  I again plop my sorry ass in front of the computer.  Great!  I get to chop these suckers up!

6:00 a.m. – I begin the nasty process of prepping the wings, cutting off the tips, and separating the drumstick from the “wing” part.   I hate cutting through bone.  It makes me queasy.  During this process my backseat cook walks into the kitchen.  He is shocked to learn his wings were not already ready to go.  I tell him, “I just saved your ass.  You would have taken them to work and realized you only had a plastic knife.”  He laughs at my misery.

6:15 a.m. – I have finally cut up all the wings.  I lightly season them and shove them in the oven.  Finally I can go to bed.

6:20 a.m. – Halfway through the broiling process, I see all these nasty “hairs” sticking up.  EWWWWWWWW!!!!!  Gas Monkey says, “Nobody will notice.”  I look at him with disbelief.  Are you frickin kidding me?  Who wants to eat that?!

6:22 a.m. – I plop my sorry, disgruntled ass in front of the computer.  “Burn the hairs off with a lighter.” 

6:27 a.m. – I take each individual wing, and using a lighter, burn each hairy sucker until they disappear.  At this point, Gas Monkey has the BALLS to say, “You are just like your mother.  She’s the only person in the world who would do this.”  Imagine a deep, predatory growl emitting from a grumpy, sleep-deprived animal.  

6:45 a.m. – I shove the wings in the Crockpot, make Gas Monkey repeat the cooking directions, and offer him no sympathy when he complained about the ice on his windshield.

Up two hours earlier than normal in order to save my Gas Monkey from those silent “icks.”  I’ll add this to the tally I have going.  An amazing massage is in order.

So what about this rustic dinner? I guarantee it is easier to make than wings.  I found this recipe on the Palate Princess' website. It will not make anybody go "WOW," but it is cheap, healthy, and hearty. The flavors are simple and pleasing. A wonderful go-to dinner on a lazy, poor night.

Rustic Poor Man's Dinner - a.k.a Fried Egg on a Cheap Tomato Dish

Olive Oil
2 Green Onions, chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
15 oz can of low-sodium diced tomatoes
1 tbsp tomato paste
1 large handful of washed, torn spinach
15 oz. of rinsed black beans
1/2 cup of no sodium chicken stock (or vegetable)
Salt and Pepper to Taste
2-4 eggs, fried how you like them

1. Over medium heat, add olive oil to a pan.  Then saute onions, garlic, and red pepper flakes until garlic is softened and fragrant (do not burn the garlic).  Add the tomato paste and saute a few seconds longer.
2. Add the tomatoes, black beans, and stock.  Let simmer for 5-10 minutes.
3. Add spinach until it wilts.  Thoroughly mix the saute.  Add salt and pepper as needed.
4. Meanwhile, fry the eggs.  Alternately, you could poach them.  Place saute in bowls, and top each serving with one or two eggs.

One Cherry Cornish Hen Removed from the Flock

The last time my future-mother-in-law (FMIL) came down to visit, we met up with Gas Monkey’s cousins’ mother-in-law (GMCMIL) and family. Weird? Complicated? Naw. While waiting for our Mexican food to arrive, Laurie (GMCMIL) described to me this amazing-sounding crockpot game hen recipe with a cherry sauce. It grabbed my attention for many reasons.

#1. Crockpot? I love my crockpot!

#2. Cornish hens? Another way to make chicken! (I’m getting a little bored with chicken, but not enough to delve into alternative meats.)

And #3. It sounded delicious, especially since Laurie’s voice drew out each individual ingredient, as if recreating it in her mind was bringing her to the highest level of heaven. I like food that tastes like heaven.

And it exceeded all of my expectations. Thanks Laurie! Here’s thinking of you and your family.

On a separate note, dress shopping day #3 wasn’t too painful. I’m just glad it is over. But then I have the finale the first Saturday of February. Essentially, seven women all coming to gawk at me in a dress (a scene rare enough that it pays for the ticket price). Then they are going to squabble, disagree, ooh and ahh, and hopefully all agree on the right dress. I’ll let you know how that goes. Three women in a group is one too many if you ask me. But everybody coming is important and special to me in some way or the other. I hate drowning in a flock of hens, but this time I will be the one clucking the loudest. Watch what you say! You might get pecked.

Recipe for Cornish Hens with a Cherry Sauce 

Lemon Meringue Pie and Dress Shopping Hell

That’s right men folks. In case you couldn’t tell from the title, you might want to close the page now. Or if you are really interested in my crap-tacular lemon meringue pie recipe, scroll to the bottom.

Now ladies, I’m not talking about any ol’ dress shopping. I’m talking about wedding dress shopping. Or in my case, the dreaded wedding dress shopping. I can't remember the last time I wore a dress. And was it that bad? Here are the top ten thoughts. You be the judge.

1. 1. "Wowsa! I am bangin’ in all of these!"
2. Is there a reason why these have to be so heavy? (my legs were extremely sore the following day)
3. "Hell no."
4. “Mom, is this the dress?” – Little did I know that while she was editing it, she was falling in love with it. So I moved on.
5. " Ooooo . . . I love this Scarlet O’Hara gown! I want to wear it home, play house, and make a scene. But do I want to get married in it?”"
6. “MOM! Get that stink look off your face.” – When trying on the “Mess Dress”, a dress I just happen to like quite a bit.
7. “Spanky Bottoms – you are a saint. I bet you are glad you don’t live with us.”
8. “Lady, stop telling me it’s my special day. Don’t assume I want each dress I try on. I’ll determine when I’m in love with my dress.”
9. " Lady! I’m not wearing the right kind of underwear for you to be helping me get dressed. OUT!"
10. Ugh. Can we do this next weekend too, please?

A Quick and Dirty Way to Get Your Man to Eat a Salad

I live with a Man (with a capital M). He operates forklifts with finesse. Each hair on his chest sleeps safely at night, knowing they are safe from the razor. He is Pavlov's dog when it comes to beer or whiskey. His favorite pair of jeans have holes in them. His face resembles a mountain man. Nothing puts a bigger grin on his face than the smell and sound of his own farts. The majority of his responses are in the form of grunts and "ughs." And yes, he looks at salads like "girl food." He is a real man.

This is my man marinating his hands in lotion while wearing gloves. He's so manly he thinks that holding his hands in the air will accelerate the lotion's effects.

So what tricks and tactics could I, a lowly woman, use to entice my man to eat a salad? Slather the chicken in buffalo sauce. Which is exactly what I did. What I love about this salad is that it is quick, simple, and easy. You don't need a lot of ingredients on hand to make this a success. So go for it - get your men to eat a salad!

Grilled Buffalo Chicken Salad

2 chicken breasts

1 cup of buffalo wing sauce (use your desired level of heat)

1 carrot, chopped

1-2 stalks of celery, chopped,

1 package of baby mixed greens

1 green onion, chopped thinly

Bleu Cheese Dressing (I prefer low-fat - don't tell Gas Monkey)

1. Marinate chicken breasts in 1/2 cup of buffalo sauce for at least 30 minutes.
2. Grill the chicken breasts on medium-high until done, turning every 5 minutes and slathering the breasts with more buffalo sauce. Basically, cook the chicken in whatever way suites your situation.
3. Meanwhile, prepare the salad. Mix the baby greens, carrots, and celery together. Toss.
4. Assemble salad mixture on the plates. Slice and place a chicken breast on each salad. Top with green onions and approx. 2-3 tbsp of dressing per salad (depending on the size of the salad).
5. Present salad to man in an ingratiating way. Listen to him grunt his "thanks" while he chows down. Congratulations - you have successfully used the quick and dirty way to get your man to eat a salad.

Drumroll Please . . .

And the winner of my amazing Big Hunk giveaway (and it is amazing, in case you didn't realize yet) is - Zany Housewife! Yay. I can't wait to dabble in lemon meringue pie (which I hate pies, so you can see there is no bias here)! I've had a horrendously busy week at work and have been eating crap food all week. I can't wait to get back into cooking.

Pasta with Lemon Cream Sauce and a GIVEAWAY

Ugh. What do you think is the worst way to start the new year (besides being hungover)? Overly ambitious. We woke up on New Year's Day and instead of going snowshoeing (because that would be fun), we decided to redo the floor tile in our main/guest bathroom. We were even stupid enough to convince each other this was a brilliant idea. We have a 5' x 5' bathroom. Pretty easy right? WRONG!

Problem #1 - The contractors who flip houses are idiots. Instead of putting the piping through the wall into the cabinet (for under the sink), they drill up through the floor, and through the floor of the cabinet. So instead of just pulling the cabinet out, we had to remove the sink and pull the cabinet up. Yay.

Problem #2 - The wrong tools + tiny tiles = painful and tedious work. Our floor had small, hexagon and square tiles. We had hammers and flathead screwdrivers. I'm sure you can imagine the fun here.

Problem #3 - Of course our bathroom is not a perfect square or rectangle. It has to be a bizarre shape, so we have to cut lots of tile.

Problem #4 - We are out of motivation and no longer think it is a brilliant idea. So now we are inching along.

I'll let you know how this goes. I'm looking forward to the climax before the conclusion.

I recently had a craving for a lemon cream sauce. So this is what I came up with. It is quite delicious if I do say so myself.

Chicken Pasta with Lemon Cream Sauce

2 Chicken Breasts

1 box of penne pasta (whole wheat if you want to convince yourself you're eating healthy)

1 clove of garlic, minced

1 cup of chopped broccoli

1/2 cup of chopped artichoke hearts

1/2 cup of chopped roasted red peppers

For sauce (original recipe found here)

1 cup unsalted vegetable broth

1 tsp cornstarch

1/3 cup of heavy cream

4 tbsp lemon juice

Salt and Pepper

Lemon slices for garnish

1. Cook the chicken thoroughly in a pan. Slice and set aside in foil to keep warm. Leave the drippings in the pan.
2. Meanwhile, boil a large pot of water and add penne. Cook until al dente and drain.
3. In the pan used to cook the chicken, add garlic and saute. Add the vegetable broth, cornstarch, heavy cream, lemon juice, and S&P to taste. Let simmer for 20 minutes.
4. After 20 minutes, add broccoli to sauce. Once broccoli is done, remove pan from heat.
5. In a large bowl, mix the chicken, pasta, roasted red peppers, artichoke hearts, and sauce. Toss and serve!

And now the part you've been waiting for. The GIVEAWAY - my very first. I've been thinking for a while what to give out. While I've been reading everybody's blogs, I have admired all of you out there trying to be skinny bitches (or just healthy, big diff'). Since I am behind on my New Year's resolutions, I'll make myself feel better by making one of you fat. Just kidding. It's up to you to decide what you do with the temptation.

My favorite candy is a long, juicy, thick BIG HUNK. Tell me you have enjoyed one of these. Their nougaty goodness with peanuts is delicious. My mouth is watering as I speak. The lucky winner of my first giveaway will receive an 80 count box of mini BIG HUNKS. And I will be mighty jealous. How to win you ask?

1. Post a comment on this post (please make sure I can access you through email or a blog. I.e. anonymous won't work). Because this blog is mostly about me, I'd like you to give me a challenge. Maybe a recipe I should cook or maybe an ingredient I should try. Let your imaginations run wild (but please don't have expensive tastes).

2. Comment a second time if you follow me on Twitter or Facebook (no reason to do both - I'm not that interesting). You can find the links on the right sidebar. If you do follow me on one or the other, post another comment on this page so I know. You can have up to two separate comment submissions. One for just giving me a challenge. Another one for following on Twitter OR Facebook.

3. I will select randomly, on my favorite day - the 13th. The random winner will receive more BIG HUNKS than they know what to do with. And as a bonus, I'll try your recipe or challenge!

So let the fun begin! Thanks for following me in the new year!