Welcome to my personal hell. Gas Monkey nonchalantly mentions last Friday that he needs to bring something for his work pot luck Monday (i.e. today). My response, “I don’t know. What do you want to make.” Sunday night, while we are playing Earthopoly, he asks, “What am I going to bring to the potluck?” I had completely forgotten about it and had no intention of making this my personal project. I suggest a pasta salad (something he could make). “Two other people are bringing salads.” So I suggest Crockpot wings. Being thrilled with my suggestion, I imagined Gas Monkey going to the store and picking up some pre-made, frozen wings that can be dumped in the Crockpot. Instead Gas Monkey picks up some raw wings. As I went to bed, I thought he could still dump them in the crockpot and cover them with sauce. Here’s how my morning went:
5:30 a.m. – My personal heater gets out of bed and hops in the shower, not a worry in the world. I begin to think to myself, can making wings really be that easy?
5:35 a.m. – I have managed to drag my sorry ass out of bed and plop myself in front of the computer. It is recommended you place the wings under the broiler to brown them, since they won’t brown or crisp in the Crockpot.
5:42 a.m. – I look in the fridge and find a giant batch of chicken wings and giant batch of drumsticks. I start with the drumsticks first. I rinse them and place them under the broiler. Drumsticks in no time.
5:55 a.m. – I open the package of wings. “It is a whole frickin’ wing!” I again plop my sorry ass in front of the computer. Great! I get to chop these suckers up!
6:00 a.m. – I begin the nasty process of prepping the wings, cutting off the tips, and separating the drumstick from the “wing” part. I hate cutting through bone. It makes me queasy. During this process my backseat cook walks into the kitchen. He is shocked to learn his wings were not already ready to go. I tell him, “I just saved your ass. You would have taken them to work and realized you only had a plastic knife.” He laughs at my misery.
6:15 a.m. – I have finally cut up all the wings. I lightly season them and shove them in the oven. Finally I can go to bed.
6:20 a.m. – Halfway through the broiling process, I see all these nasty “hairs” sticking up. EWWWWWWWW!!!!! Gas Monkey says, “Nobody will notice.” I look at him with disbelief. Are you frickin kidding me? Who wants to eat that?!
6:22 a.m. – I plop my sorry, disgruntled ass in front of the computer. “Burn the hairs off with a lighter.”
6:27 a.m. – I take each individual wing, and using a lighter, burn each hairy sucker until they disappear. At this point, Gas Monkey has the BALLS to say, “You are just like your mother. She’s the only person in the world who would do this.” Imagine a deep, predatory growl emitting from a grumpy, sleep-deprived animal.
6:45 a.m. – I shove the wings in the Crockpot, make Gas Monkey repeat the cooking directions, and offer him no sympathy when he complained about the ice on his windshield.
Up two hours earlier than normal in order to save my Gas Monkey from those silent “icks.” I’ll add this to the tally I have going. An amazing massage is in order.
So what about this rustic dinner? I guarantee it is easier to make than wings. I found this recipe on the Palate Princess' website. It will not make anybody go "WOW," but it is cheap, healthy, and hearty. The flavors are simple and pleasing. A wonderful go-to dinner on a lazy, poor night.
Rustic Poor Man's Dinner - a.k.a Fried Egg on a Cheap Tomato Dish
2 Green Onions, chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
15 oz can of low-sodium diced tomatoes
1 tbsp tomato paste
1 large handful of washed, torn spinach
15 oz. of rinsed black beans
1/2 cup of no sodium chicken stock (or vegetable)
Salt and Pepper to Taste
2-4 eggs, fried how you like them
- Over medium heat, add olive oil to a pan. Then saute onions, garlic, and red pepper flakes until garlic is softened and fragrant (do not burn the garlic). Add the tomato paste and saute a few seconds longer.
- Add the tomatoes, black beans, and stock. Let simmer for 5-10 minutes.
- Add spinach until it wilts. Thoroughly mix the saute. Add salt and pepper as needed.
- Meanwhile, fry the eggs. Alternately, you could poach them. Place saute in bowls, and top each serving with one or two eggs.