I'm a constant work in progress . . .to be updated later.By the way - maybe I just said that so you would check back on a regular basis. Genius!
From 2002, learning how to make Thanksgiving rolls with my grandma. This will help develop credibility with my readers - as if I have been a dedicated cook since the age of 16.
First of all, I do not eat with my mouth open. To learn how the name came about, read THIS.
I'm not going to write some boring bio (I know you're disappointed). Instead here are 25 things you didn't know, and probably did not want to know, about me.
1. Gas Monkey and I have been together for 5 years. We met at Lowes, sad I know, and at first it was a physical attraction, which turned into an intellectual one. I am happy with him, always. He is the most patient man in the world.
2. I like to tell stories. I communicate better through writing than speaking until I know you better. Or I’ve had a few drinks. Whisky or beer preferred.
4. I still wear two different colored socks, whenever I am not wearing white socks. I especially like obnoxious patterns.
5. When all the little girls wanted to play house, I was always the pet Tyrannosaurus Rex or Tiger. So in other words, we were playing two different games.
8. I am extremely competitive when it comes to cards. Deadly when it comes to fast-paced card games like speed, spit, and Egyptian rat screw. And I always tell people this before we play. Thus nobody has played with me in years.
9. I played softball for 9 years. I was a loud-mouthed left-handed catcher, with a red duct-taped target on her chest, which earned me brownie points with the umpires. I had a scary side-arm that was hard and unpredictable. I’ve knocked a few girls to the ground.
11. I want to be buried in my pajamas with a viewing (everybody should see a dead body). My mom says I can't have a viewing in my pajamas. But I think it would be a travesty to go to my grave wearing an uncomfortable bra when it is my eternal sleep. Unless it is a sports bra (after all my girls do need some support). Please talk sense to the woman.
13. I have only one definite dimple. Mom always says that “God did a half-assed job.”
16. I wish I could take pictures like my G-pa. Maybe someday, but mostly I have no idea what I am doing.
3. I tend to break out into my, no doubt offensive, British accent. Or doing my equally offensive Sarah Palin impression. And I am famous amongst my acquaintances for my dinosaur roar.
4. I still wear two different colored socks, whenever I am not wearing white socks. I especially like obnoxious patterns.
5. When all the little girls wanted to play house, I was always the pet Tyrannosaurus Rex or Tiger. So in other words, we were playing two different games.
6. I know I have (and always will have) a big booty, and so I swing it when I walk. After all, it makes the first or last impression, so might as well make it a lasting one.
7. When I was in kindergarten, I used to draw anatomically correct male horses. To the point where my teacher had to talk to my mother about one of my most "excited" (to put it politely) stallions.
8. I am extremely competitive when it comes to cards. Deadly when it comes to fast-paced card games like speed, spit, and Egyptian rat screw. And I always tell people this before we play. Thus nobody has played with me in years.
9. I played softball for 9 years. I was a loud-mouthed left-handed catcher, with a red duct-taped target on her chest, which earned me brownie points with the umpires. I had a scary side-arm that was hard and unpredictable. I’ve knocked a few girls to the ground.
10. I strive to have a relationship like my parents’, with all its disfunctionality (which according to spell check is not a word). It is proof you don’t have to have a fairy tale relationship or common interests to have respect and love. In fact, I don’t know two people who find each other’s annoying flaws so endearing.
11. I want to be buried in my pajamas with a viewing (everybody should see a dead body). My mom says I can't have a viewing in my pajamas. But I think it would be a travesty to go to my grave wearing an uncomfortable bra when it is my eternal sleep. Unless it is a sports bra (after all my girls do need some support). Please talk sense to the woman.
12. I am paranoid about death. Probably to the point where I need counseling. No matter what I am doing, I’m thinking of worst case scenarios. I don't sleep on my back for fear I'll be gutted. A year ago I wore a bicycle helmet in the car at night when Gas Monkey was driving. I don’t anymore, but that does not mean I don’t want to.
13. I have only one definite dimple. Mom always says that “God did a half-assed job.”
14. I sing in the car loudly, obnoxiously so, to showtunes and Disney music.
15. I have the immature palatte of a 5th grader, because my mother deprived me of bell peppers, mushrooms, blueberries, green onions, fish, stir-fry, and other deliciousness until I encountered them myself during the past five years.
16. I wish I could take pictures like my G-pa. Maybe someday, but mostly I have no idea what I am doing.
17. My mom stubbornly trained me to smile for photos when I was a kid. Mom says it is a life skill. She also says peeing on command is a life skill, so I’m not sure about the logic.
19. I take pride in my flaws. After all, they are unique to me. So go ahead and tease me about the helmet and the show tunes. I’ll just dish it right back. Because you all know you're equally weird.
20. I want to write a children’s novel before I die. But I’m afraid to write it, because then I might just die.
21. Mesa Verde changed my life. And for that I am forever indebted to Professor C and Apple.
18. The International Baccalaureate Program was harder than college, and yet I enjoyed it for the challenge. It was an eye-opening experience. But I refuse to let that be the grand achievement in my life, because that would be sad.
19. I take pride in my flaws. After all, they are unique to me. So go ahead and tease me about the helmet and the show tunes. I’ll just dish it right back. Because you all know you're equally weird.
20. I want to write a children’s novel before I die. But I’m afraid to write it, because then I might just die.
21. Mesa Verde changed my life. And for that I am forever indebted to Professor C and Apple.
22. I have spent 3 summers doing field jobs. One studying bats in Mesa Verde, one studying black bears in Aspen, and another studying bats and owls in Utah. I could do that everyday for the rest of my life.
23. I like to crochet because I think it is more impressive than knitting.
24. I grew up talking like a sailor. I'm only keeping my writing clean because I don't want my mommy readers to think I'm naughty.
25. Put your own thought about me here ________.
If you've made it this far, I know what you are thinking. Gas Monkey must be the most patient man in the world.
If you've made it this far, I know what you are thinking. Gas Monkey must be the most patient man in the world.
